Health & Fitness

Why Self-Love Is Much Harder to Cultivate Than Genuine Affection for Others

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Self-love is gaining some popularity, as the importance of self-care is starting to get recognized. For many people, however, focusing on their own inner peace is much more difficult to achieve than focusing on others.

We’re told that we have to love the people in our lives deeply and genuinely. While such love is important for a happy existence, it doesn’t come anywhere near close the power of self-love.

People who don’t love themselves tend to act in specific ways that make others dislike them, as well. Thus, if you’re not finding the fulfilment in life that you desire, it may be time to take a deeper look inside.

Self-love can be difficult to achieve due to social conditioning but this isn’t the only cause. There are several other important reasons why self-love can be much more difficult to focus on than appreciation and affection for others.


Self-Love = Selfishness

This is probably one of the biggest reasons why focusing on self-love is impossible for some people.

In society, we still equate self-love with selfishness and even narcissism.

Even if you use the synonym tool in your text editing program, you will get “egocentricity” as a synonym for self-love. This stereotype is so deep and so well-rooted that a lot of time will have to pass for its complete eradication.

You have to understand that loving yourself, setting healthy boundaries and recognizing your needs is imperative for building healthy connections with others. Thus, it’s not selfish to put yourself first. in fact, if you do, your capacity to appreciate others and to even care for them will expand exponentially.

Past Experiences and Trauma

An overwhelming life could also contribute to self-love difficulties.

If you’ve gone through traumatic experiences in the past, you may consider yourself unlovable. There’s a simple reason why – somebody made you accept this reality for a prolonged period of time. As a result, the distorted vision of yourself became the norm.

Past experiences affect who we are and what we think/feel about ourselves.

As a result, we could be self-sabotaging our own happiness efforts by having no self-appreciation and believing that good things will never come. In a sense, past trauma can contribute to a self-fulfilling prophecy as far as un-lovability goes.

Trauma can be so deep that it will have your subconscious mind activated and engaged in your inner dialogue.

Seeking therapy is imperative to restore your self-worth and process your past in the most beneficial way.

When it comes to meeting new people or acquiring experiences in the future, you may want to take it slow. Focus on yourself first and don’t rush. Try virtual communication and consider a bit of online dating on It does not compel you to anything but it can help to distract and connect with new people easily. Don’t jump into anything serious until you’ve managed to affirm yourself and build that inner appreciation.

Having the Wrong People in Your Life

Just like past experiences, people can affect our feelings of self-love and self-worth.

If you’re constantly finding yourself in the middle of conflict or you’re spending time with people who are putting you down, chances are that you’re not going to hold yourself in high esteem.

Living with people who have personalities radically different from yours will make you feel like you’re doing something wrong. Again – reality will become distorted so much that you will internalize a warped vision.

It’s very important to check on your friendships and relationships every once in a while. It’s ok to let people go, especially if that would contribute to self-growth. This is one of the main reasons why our social circles decrease when we grow older.

Unrealistic Goals

Sometimes, starting to love yourself after years of loathing will be impossible. Because the goal appears to be so far out of reach, many people wouldn’t even bother with it.

The final hindrance standing in the way of self-love we’re going to discuss today is unrealistic expectations.

If you have spent years considering yourself to be completely worthless, you’re not going to just wake up madly in love with your inner psyche one morning.

Instead of trying something so grand, start with baby steps. Instead of trying to love yourself, work on liking yourself first.

Liking yourself can be incredibly empowering. You will experience mood stabilization, you’ll start discovering new opportunities in life and you’ll even start seeing people perceiving you differently.

To make the change happen, look at your reflection every single morning in the mirror. Tell yourself one thing you’re good at or something you’ve achieved. This exercise may seem somewhat silly but it will shift your focus from the negative things you used to focus on to the positives of being you.

Self-liking will grow and soon, you’ll experience an avalanche-like effect. To make the change happen, however, you need to be pro-active in a manageable way.

Finding self-love will necessitate some work, especially if you’re not in a good place right now. Try to find the reason why you’re not capable of self-appreciation and once you know the cause, seek an adequate and personalized solution.

Occasionally, it would be very difficult to cope with the situation on your own. If you’re experiencing a lot of anxiety or you believe that you may be depressed, seek professional assistance. Self-help and baby steps would not be sufficient in such instances. You’ll have to find the right professional to guide you through the recovery process and to help you discover the light once again.


Welcome to the Night Helper Blog. The Night Helper Blog was created in 2008. Since then we have been blessed to partner with many well-known Brands like Best Buy, Fisher Price, Toys "R" US., Hasbro, Disney, Teleflora, ClearCorrect, Radio Shack, VTech, KIA Motor, MAZDA and many other great brands. We have three awesome children, plus four adorable very active grandkids. From time to time they too are contributors to the Night Helper Blog. We enjoy reading, listening to music, entertaining, travel, movies, and of course blogging.

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