How Not to Name Your Newborn
So you’ve finally done it. After many months of trying, it’s here at last. After nights of tossing and turning in your split comforter, you and your partner have finally succeeded. Or if that’s not the case for you, maybe after signing countless documents, you’re finally allowed to take your baby home from the adoption center. Either way, this calls for a celebration.
But do not get too excited just yet. There’s a critical business you must attend to. That’s naming your baby. And that can get a little tricky. Do it right and your baby will appreciate what you’ve done. Do it wrong and your baby might just grow old secretly despising you for sabotaging them for the rest of their lives. To avoid the latter, here are things you must avoid.
Do not name your baby after currently famous celebrities
Consider this scenario. It’s 2009. A kid named Justin Bieber has skyrocketed to international stardom. The kid’s talented. He seemed adorable. So you name your son after Justin. You probably want him to be as talented and sweet as the singer.
Fast forward to years later, Justin has grown into an almost-man. And he’s proven to be less than sweet. He even drives under the influence. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to his controversial antics.
Your son is old enough to have playmates. His playmates are old enough to tease him about being named after a celebrity with a horrible reputation, singingBabymockingly to your son every time they get the chance to.
Do not name your baby after someone famous
Naming babies after famous people is a no-no. That rule applies beyond celebrities that are currently trending. You also do not want to name your son Einstein, for that matter. Why not Einstein you might ask.
Because that’s setting your kid for failure. He won’t turn into the next Einstein no matter how you cut it. But every time he’ll introduce himself in class at the beginning of the school year, teachers will have unreasonably high expectations from your son. Now, what if he’s not an Einstein but a budding Shakespeare? Not that you should name your son Shakespeare either, even if he’s written a hundred sonnets before the age of two. Skip naming your child from famous people altogether.
Do not give your baby more than two names
Sure letters are inexhaustible resources. That does not mean you’re free to name your daughter Margaret Mae Christine just because you can. Remember that your daughter’s test papers will have limited space. And she has limited time to answer those exams.
Your daughter might blame you for unnecessarily complicating her school years. And you’ll have no right to complain about less than stellar grades on her report card. After all, just spelling out her name already takes so much of her time and energy. Before she even gets to start answering test questions, she’s already tired.
Do not name your baby after your partner
God forbid you legally separate from your current partner. But you must be realistic and account for all possibilities. And your partnership not working out is always a possibility. And it can get ugly.
You do not want to be reminded of all the trauma you experienced every time you call your son or daughter’s name. You also do not want to inadvertently foist all of your frustrations to your ex-partner’s namesake. So keep it safe. And if you are having a hard time coming up with a moniker for your newborn, do a roundup of your past and present neighbors instead.
Do not get too creative when naming your baby
Being ultra-rich, with plans of colonizing the planet Mars, does not give you an excuse to name your kid something outlandish and difficult to pronounce. Do not think of your son or daughter as a creative project. You cannot assign them a name that will not only be difficult to say but difficult to explain as well. With naming babies, simple does it.
Your baby’s name should be something they can grow into. It should not be based solely on your whims. After all, you won’t be the one living with the name. Be a considerate parent and name your baby with the levelheadedness required for such an important task.
Consider the task like getting a tattoo. You cannot undo it. Sure, there’s laser tattoo removal but that will be too much of a hassle. Instead, just be careful from the get-go and think it through.
