Some people struggle with getting mad. Perhaps you had a bad experience with anger as a child. You may have seen your parents yell at each other, and that’s what you believe anger is. The reality is that anger doesn’t have to be explosive. If you struggle with holding your anger in, that could backfire on you, and you could end up exploding. It doesn’t have to be this way. You can learn healthy ways to express your anger, but first, it’s a matter of understanding why you’re exploding. Here are some reasons why people lash out at others when they’re angry. You need to get to the origin of your angry feelings. Once you understand that, you can learn to express anger in a healthy way.
If you grew up in an abusive household, you might have some traumatic memories. Perhaps you witnessed domestic violence, or maybe you saw a lot of yelling and didn’t know what it meant. No matter what you experienced, your caregivers were mad, and hearing angry voices can be jarring for a young person. You might think that your trauma does not impact you today, but if you have explosive anger, trauma could be one of its sources. Take a moment and reflect on your beginnings. Ask yourself: did you see people expressing anger in an explosive way? How did it make you feel? Do you act like the people that you witnessed as a child? It’s good to ask these questions and take emotional inventory. You can observe if your trauma is continuing to impact you today.
Anger can be uncomfortable. Some people are fearful of it, and so they repress it. You might not even be aware you’re doing that. You feel angry in your body, and then all of a sudden, you explode. Slow your brain and your body down when you start to feel mad. Sometimes people experience resistance toward anger. They bottle it up because they’re afraid of what will happen. Ironically, when you repress anger and bottle it up, it comes back stronger. That’s why it’s crucial to be honest about your feelings so that you don’t explode later on. That is especially important with anger. It’s time to ask yourself: why am I avoiding my anger? What am I afraid is going to happen if I get mad? Try writing down answers to these statements and see what comes out.
You feel like you don’t have a right to be angry
Perhaps you are in a relationship where a person is telling you that you’re doing everything wrong. As a result, you internalize these messages and feel like you don’t have a right to be mad. You are convinced there’s something fundamentally wrong with you. It could be a current relationship, or something from your past. Whatever the case may be, you internalize the message that you do not have a right to be angry. Therefore, when you do feel anger, it bubbles up inside of you, and inevitably you explode. One way to prevent this is to acknowledge that every person has a right to be mad. Ask yourself: when did I start to believe that I didn’t have a right to be angry?
You don’t feel heard
Sometimes, people explode in anger when they don’t feel that others are listening to them. That is why they get louder and louder. It can come across as scary or obnoxious when people lash out in anger. However, it’s crucial to remember that the reason they’re doing this is that they don’t feel their voice is being heard. If you do not feel like people hear you, it’s crucial to think about how you can express yourself without yelling. Ask yourself: what aren’t they hearing? How can I communicate in a different way? Am I hurt that they’re not hearing me? How can I tell the person I’m hurt without yelling?
Working on anger in therapy
Online therapy is an excellent place to work through anger issues. You can find a therapist at a company like BetterHelp who fits your needs. Online counseling is an ideal place to discuss issues that you have with relationships and any bottled-up emotions that are holding you back. You can talk with an online therapist about anything that’s bothering you in your life. That’s what they’re there to help you with, and they want to see you feel better. Don’t be afraid to reach out for help when you need support. There’s nothing wrong with you if you’re lashing out in anger, but it could be impacting your life in a way that is hurting your relationships; that’s why it’s important to talk about these issues in therapy and get help.